Extreme weightloss

I'm watching extreme makeover weighloss that was on the other night.  It's an interesting show, they take a year to lose weight. They have big goals and get big rewards for them.  They do exercise and eat "right" of course.  I'm watching this episode and she quit her job to focus on her weightloss.  I guess she felt it was worth it. I'd love to be able to not work and focus just on me.  Even on mat leave I wanted to do more but of course had a baby to look after.  I know that I need to be able to focus a bit on me.  But I also need to focus on my son so all my time is not my own.

I do want to focus on his health as well, which means I want to focus on both of us eating better, going primal as they say.  I have a plan to plan lol. I know that I will have to make a meal plan, and do biweekly cooking. I don't think once a month cooking will work for me only because it's a whole day commitment and I just can't do that with a toddler.  So I'll split it in two and use his nap times to get some of the cooking done.  I get flyers now, which is nice, so if I can start my meal plan and be able to shop Saturday morning, no more than two stores, then cook Sunday afternoon, I'll be set. 

As for exercise, I need to do that.  I have been very unmotivated to do anything, I think I have a touch of depression.  It's not nearly as bad as I've experienced in the past, Jackson is a natural antidepressant for me, so he helps a lot.  I know that exercise will help, it's fitting it in that is the issue for me now.  Do I get up early to do it?  Do I go to bed earlier so I can do that?  Or do I do the workout after Jackson goes to bed at 8?  That's close to bedtime, if I workout too hard at that time I may not be able to sleep.  I need to pick something and stick to it.  Make a decision.

As strange as it may sound, decluttering my houst might help my overall motivation.  Tomorrow is a travel day, so Jackson goes to daycare for the morning and then I pick him up after lunch to go visit my parents for the weekend.  I plan to use the morning to clean.  I want to get the living room and dining room liveable again, tidied and cleaned up.  I have Tuesday off as well and will use it to do some more work.  It's supposed to be vacation but I want to get my room, and the guest room, cleaned up as well. There is a lot of garbage and junk sitting around that needs to go! Even if it only makes it to the garage, at least it's out of the house. 

I know I need a plan, and starting with cleaning may seem odd but it will hopefully help me feel in control and like I can do something.  It needs to be done, and I will do it in 15 minute blocks.  I do have a few other things to get done tomorrow, like laundry and packing, but I'll work that in with cleaning, alternating tasks until I get something done and feel better.  And then I will need to make a plan, next Tuesday I need to make a meal plan and a shopping list, and get that eating and exercise thing going.  I can do it.  Without quitting my job.

To begin again... or not?

Tomorrow I need to do something.  I am over my food poisoning (the reason I stopped all workouts for awhile) and can actually eat and not feel ill.  I still feel a bit off, I think my internal parts are still recovering from the effects of not keeping anything down for 3 days.  So I plan on restarting HCG tomorrow. Again.  I am going with drops only, no patches as I don't think they work for me.  I will need to do some shopping for vegetables tomorrow, and make sure I have the meat ready to go. But I have a day or two of loading any way so it should be good. 

I plan on keeping Leslie in the mix, and some toning/yoga/pilates as well.  Being active is the end goal of all this effort so I might as well keep it in the mix while I'm losing.  Leslie is nice and easy, not that you can't make it more effort, but that the steps are simple, I don't get confused and I can actually move my feet like that.

I have a bike, it was free, and is a bit old, and wow I have not ridden a bike in years!  I took it down the street today and it was more effort than I care to admit.  I have to get back on the horse as they say, so that'll be interesting.  My son enjoyed the brief trip and was upset it wasn't longer. So we'll attempt to get to the park this week, when it's not raining or 40 with the humidex :-)

Back on track, up a few pounds from my lowest, helped to keep it closer to end weight by the food poisoning (losing 6 pounds in 2 days is rough).  Goal is 35 pounds away, or more lol, but 20 for this round of losing.  Now to do it! 

Cardio Abs

I did Jessica Smith Cardio Abs and it was great.  I have two left feet so didn't get all the moves by a long shot, but I will keep at it and hopefully get it within a few tries.  I did work up a great sweat any way, and it was nice.  I will do the second workout tomorrow, it's toning I believe.  I plan to rotate through the 3 workouts over the week, doing each twice.  I'd like to do some extra cardio in the morning, Leslie is the most likely option.  And if my yoga/pilates dvd's arrive I'd like to add in one of those after work with Jackson to "help".  It's pretty ambitious, but I think I can do it.

Eating wise I have done pretty well today, below my calories, but I was hungry.  And my supplements haven't arrived yet so hopefully they come tomorrow and I can get everything on track.  I'm supposed to try and do the HCG but again I'm having trouble with it, so I'm not sure what to do about that.  Knowing it works if I can stick to it, but finding it hard to stick to for some reason.  It's odd really, I mean I know it works.  Yet I can't stick to it.  I need to fix that somehow, whether I go back to the drops or what I don't know.  But I need to decide soon.  My time is ticking and I won't have 30 days in a row to do this soon, which means I'll end up cycling and that may be harder. 

The Cardio Abs workout was very good, it starts out quickly, and has some kickboxing moves in it.  Nothing is too complicated, my feet just don't seem to move like that, yet.  And wow am I out of shape!  I didn't think I was that bad, but apparently I am.  It's good that it's only 28 minutes or so.  Any longer and I don't think I would have made it. 

Tomorrow is another day, back on track?  I hope so!

A couple workouts

And a diet restarted.  I am attempting the patches again, with a plan.  Adding in some workouts too. I got up and did 1 mile of Leslie.  Then after work I did 10 minutes of pilates type work, with my son "helping".  I plan to make that longer but we're starting with 10 minutes a day so he can adjust to mommy doing something that doesn't involve him. I ordered him a purple yoga mat so he can workout too if he wants to.  But we'll see how that goes.  Then when he went to bed I did KCM 30-minute Circuit Burn, the first workout.  I didn't realize the warm up wasn't included so I was a bit behind in the beginning.  But it was a good workout and I sweat quite a bit.  I hope to do the same tomorrow, well a different 10 minute workout (there are 5 on the disc so one per day) and a different 1 mile with Leslie (again, 5 on the disc so a different one each day).  I may try the second Circuit Burn workout.  We'll see.

Tomorrow I start the low cal part of the diet too, using shakes for breakfast, lunch and a sensible dinner. I am going to be working out so will add in the extra calories of the second shake, hoping also to stave off hunger.  I will add in some salad at lunch too.  Just some veggies so I have something to chew and add in some vitamins.  All in all, it's a good plan I hope I can stick to.

Goal is to lose 30 pounds, and keep it off of course.  I'm still at the -20lbs or so, it varies a bit, but is not too bad, I have gained back a couple pounds I think but nothing I couldn't get off with some clean eating and less blah-ness.  I've been feeling very off, like I can't commit to any workout or diet or anything.  Planning and eating right is hard.  I've been rebelling against what I think is "unfair".  All the stuff I've read about grains and wheat and gluten and all of it.  It makes me angry and I've just been stuffing my face with whatever because I want to and it's not fair that I can't do what I want, that cutting wheat is so hard and it's so addictive. 

I guess I need to get over that.  To realize that I can't blame the world and everyone else for my food problems, for my grain and wheat addiction, to blame them for causing me to gain weight.  Something to work on while I work through this month of losing.

Still hanging in there

A friend at work gave me some Body by Vi shake mix to try.  Very nice of him, not taking any money for it either.  He likes it but is only using it for breakfast and I'm not sure he's that pleased with it.  I have some other meal replacement shake mix I bought on the weekend, so the BbV will be my breakfast and the other my lunch for a little while.  I plan to start the HCG on Thursday, we're going out for lunch at work so it's a good "loading" day, mexican means avocados mmm.  I'll be using the shakes with the HCG, and adding in some walking and maybe yoga, pilates or light weights.  We'll see about that part.  I also ordered 90 servings of a high protein meal replacement, which will hopefully be here within two weeks, so I can keep going and be able to do this. 

I'm pretty sure the shakes are not exactly primal, but I'll likely be using them any way.  Eventually I hope not to but for now I'm having some trouble with my limited breakfast items, I know that there is more to breakfast than eggs, but a protein shake seems to fit the bill as easily, and perhaps prevents a bit of boredom.  This of course assumes I'll be using dairy going forward.  I hope to get very close to my goal weight by the end of this round, so I don't need to do more and can perhaps just use exercise and clean eating to get to the end. 

Work has been a bit stressful lately, there's some changes going on that are hopefully going to leave me in a good position, but I am aware that things can change at the last minute, and I'm not sure where I'll end up.  I am thinking that a promotion is coming to me, which would be fabulous for my budget, and my baby making plans, which means my weight loss plans need to kick it up a notch.  Again.  To get back on track, because that first round, I lost 20 pounds that I have kept off, and I want to get rid of another 30... I know it's doable I just for some reason cannot do it!  I  have to though, so back to it asap, and using shakes instead of cooking might help.

Plan modified

I had a plan, to plan my meals.  It hasn't worked out very well. I am not very good at planning breakfast and lunch, and sticking to them. So I have a new plan, sort of. I was going to get the Body by Vi shakes and do them along with HCG, two shakes plus a small dinner of protein and veggies.  But the shakes are expensive and hard to get, and it seems like some kind of pyramid scheme. So I've been researching shakes I can get. And today I bought a container that has 32 servings in it.  I had one for lunch, to make sure I can handle the taste, my son had one because he wanted to taste mommies and then really liked it.  That leaves 30 of them, and I am ordering some more next week after pay day, hoping they arrive before I need them, though I can get some more at the store if I want to.

I'll be using HCG as well, I'm torn over whether to try the patches again or not.  And I plan on doing simple Leslie, 1 mile a day, plus some outside walks with child and dog.  I am determined to lose 30 pounds, well I think it's 32 now actually... sigh... And then stick to primal.  I will  use these shakes until I get there, and am buying just what I need for 45 days, twice a day.  At that point I'll change up the workouts as well, maybe try the Firm Express rotation.  Right now I am getting frustrated with myself and need to get this under control. I refuse to be fat!!  Loading is a bit of a sticking point with me, I hate it.  And I'm not very good at it.  My hope is that the shakes, with their high protein content, low carb, will keep me full and satisfied more than a meal, and will prevent me from cheating.  We'll see if it works.  I expect I will have eggs and veggies for breakfast on the weekend with my son, he tends to want what I am having and while I have no real issue with him having a shake too, I'd like him to eat solids a little more. 

Any way.  I know, another start.  One of these times it'll work, and stick, and I'll get where I want to be.  Hopefully before July when I hope to get a referral to a fertility doctor to start talking about having another baby.  I need to have my eating and health sorted out by then, and to be primal/paleo.  I want to be well into a workout plan, so I can continue that throughout as well.  So, ready, set, go!  I'm off on another round.  This one to finish. 

Stir Crazy

I've been home with a sick kid for the week.  It started Sunday when I was sick, I even called my sister to come get my kid because I was so bad.  Then he got it.  So we've been home, and I've been eating crap.  Haven't gained anything but certainly have not been following the plan I'm supposed to follow.  Or exercising.  I know I need to clean my act up, to start actually following the primal eating, to do what I say I'm going to do, but it's quite hard.  I'm not sure why it's so hard.  Even HCG, why is doing a second round so hard when I know that the results are so amazing?  And I have so much left still to lose. 

So.  I have a plan, but need to put a meal plan for the week down on paper.  That is part of the plan, planning my meals Friday night with the flyers, then shopping Saturday and cooking/prepping on the weekend.  So we're ready for the week.  I'd like to do one extra meal a week so when I have weeks like this, where we are home and things are shot, we can still eat healthy things.  And I hope that it will prepare me for days when I don't feel like cooking or something, I'll have a backup. 

I also plan on doing Leslie 3 times a week, I'd prefer in the morning to get it over with, but it'll be hard.  If I do one on the weekend, it can be a longer one, and the other two shorter ones during the week.  Walking the dog and baby are also in the plans, and in a few more weeks, weekend bike rides with the kid.  Toning will fit in as well, just not totally sure which ones I'll do, probably some Jari.  Or possibly KCM.  Maybe even the Firm, so you see my dilemma?  :-)  Too many workouts to choose from!

I will do another round of HCG, I am determined to make it work, 20 pounds at least, then the last 10 or so I can do a more conventional way if I need to.  I'm sure if I had done something more conventional I'd be down some of that already, but I have a hard time with regular diets.  So crazy me, I'll jump back on the HCG wagon and go for a round 2. 

Off to plan... and make a grocery list. 

Changes and Attempts

I've given up on the patches, they may work for some people but not for me.  Heck the drops barely worked, I was taking twice what most people do on them.  So I am back to drops, re-loaded sort of, and tomorrow start VLCD again.  Again.  AGAIN!!  I am so ready to lose weight and stop with this start and stuff crap.  It's annoying.  I have 30 pounds to get off me here, that's no small order after all.  That just gets me to healthy, and I still want to be a little into that.  I am hopeful that going primal afterwards, and really HCG is basically primal as well (without the melba toast), will get me to my goals.  I will try and deal with the hunger, and focus on the goal.  I want so much to be thinner, to get into some nice little clothes and stop the jiggles.

I got all the DVD's I ordered on sale, I have so many to use now, different trainers, even one beginner kettlebell workout, I look forward to trying that one, one I get a kettlebell...  I have a variety, but most of the cardio is Leslie, I do like her basic style, I don't have to think, don't have to learn fancy steps, don't need to really think when I do it, that is the best part really.  And of course they work, you put as much into it as you want to.  Walk, jog, whatever, just as long as you keep moving.  I also prefer high rep low weight workouts, though I know the benefits of  heavy weights, I just prefer the way my body responds to high rep workouts.  When I did slim in 6 years ago, combined with some extra Leslie, I think I looked my best then.  And my best then was not really the best I'd like to look. Make sense?

So I'm back on the drops, and tomorrow start losing again, I hope it doesn't take too long to get to 20 pounds.  That is about when I am willing to consider stopping, but it will depends on how long it takes and how things are going.  I will get to my 40 pounds goal by September for sure, that is many months to figure it out.  Beyond that, we'll see what happens!

Loading

Oh my.  I didn't load like this last time.  I am so full!  I am hoping this means I'm doing it right and it'll work, and I won't be hungry (I expect a bit of hunger the first couple days).  I've had nuts, chocolate, chicken thighs cooked in coconut oil, a muffin, eggs and cheese, salmon/mayo salad.  I've also had 3 coffee with lots of cream.  And I have chips and dip in the kitchen to eat... though I'm so full I'm not sure I can... but I will do my best! 

Tomorrow I start VLCD and have some stuff already cooked, though I will need a few more things to make on the weekend.  I should be good for awhile.  I am happy to get to the losing phase again, and to actually stick to it.  I need to do this!  My goal is 26 pounds from my last weight, which puts me right at "healthy".  Honestly, 30 pounds would be fabulous but I only have 40 days lol.  After that I plan to do primal/paleo and exercise to get the rest off.  I'd ideally like to be about 125 or so in the end, though we'll see as I get closer.  I do not think I'll need to do a third full round but who knows!  Of course I also plan to have another baby so that will put some weight back on.  My hope is that the primal/paleo eating will do well to keep my weight healthy while pregnant, and keep baby healthy, and help me stave off gestational diabetes, which I had last time.  I hope to avoid it this time, as well as the pre-eclampsia I ended up with, though they never called it that, my blood pressure went up and I had to do a 24 hour urine test which led to me being induced and having my boy 2 weeks early.  If I can avoid that this time I'd be very happy! 

So my goals are clear, and I am ready to do this.  I have a bit more to eat tonight I guess... lovely lol. Who ever thought I'd not want to eat!!  Crazy.  Oh well!!  Hopefully it's a sign of the way I'll end up?  I look forward to the next 6 weeks, seeing the scale go down, and then to eating some normal stuff and avoiding grains forever.  And ever.  Oh my.  :-)

Round 2, take 2

Tomorrow I start again.  I am still debating what to do, use the patches or not.  I am thinking I will try with 2 and see how it goes, I really only plan to do 40 days any way, and am hoping I lose what I want to lose in that time. After that I will transition to a Primal/Paleo way of eating, and exercising, and drag kiddo along for the ride. 

I picked up a few things for loading, not a tonne, I really only plan to load one day since I am technically on a PI, of less than 2 weeks, so I think 1 day should do it.  We'll see I guess!  If the patches don't work I will switch to drops pretty quickly, but hopefully they do work for me. 

I have a few more videos on the way, and will be using them after HCG is done.  I plan to walk, with kiddo and puppy, weather permitting, while in P2.  I may do a bit of toning as well, depending on how I feel.  And sleep, sleep will be important for sure. I should be sleeping now but for some reason I am not.

I am hoping to get a light alarm clock, it acts like sunrise, starting to brighten a half hour before you get up.  I believe you can set music to it as well, I am hoping that the music starts when the light is full on, not as it starts to increase, but we'll see!  I can use my clock radio as back up until I'm sure the new one works and wakes me up.  Course I also have a kid who tends to get up early.  He got up at 6 or 6:30 every day we were at my parent's for Easter.  Crazy.  I hope he sleeps better tomorrow, though not too well since he has daycare. He'll be thrilled because he gets to play outside, which he loves.  I wish I loved it as much lol.

So tomorrow I will be eating eggs and cheese for breakfast, taking salad with avocado, salmon and olive oil dressing for lunch, cheesecake for a snack, some nuts and seeds to snack on as well.  Then dinner is chicken thighs, cooked in coconut oil, with some veggies, and a piece of cake for dessert.  I also have some chips and dip for evening snack, lots of fats and oils, nuts etc.  Hopefully it works out!  Hopefully the patches keep me from being hungry.  Wednesday I start the VLCD and voila... 6 weeks to a healthy weight... right? :-) 

Reading, Research and Sugar

My son and I are visiting my parent's for Easter.  My dad is doing Atkins so is carb free, but my mom, the diabetic, still eats carbs because her blood sugar drops too low (I'd suggest she lower her does of insulin but what do I know).  For Easter my dad got me some e-books, including Primal Blueprint and Paleo Solution.  Both are similar and interesting, and flow into the reading I've done already by Taubes and Wheatbelly.  Grains are bad.  Now sayign that and living it are very different things.  Our society is very much geared to including grains as part of life, and really it's hard to drop them.  Not impossible of course, but certainly hard.  I have been indulging in my last fling with these things as when I get back to home it will be back on HCG for a round (contrary to both primal and paleo ways of eating I'm sure) and then on to the rest of my life at a different way of eating.

For Easter my son got a lot of chocolate.  And we are experiencing the effects of that now, he had more than a few little eggs this morning and is refusing to nap.  Perhaps at just over 2 he doesn't really need a nap, but he certainly needs the rest and quiet time, so I'm leaving him to it, and will go get him in another half hour if he isn't asleep yet.  An hour for mommy to clear her head lol, even with my parent's to help watch him he is still exhausting because of course only mommy will do in many cases. 

My parent's are also a bit frustrating to me when it comes to how he eats.  I did baby led weaning with him, so he ate what I ate, in stick shape and fashion, in as much quantity as he desired.  He still eats what I eat in moderation, when I am doing HCG I will make him different veggies and offer him carbs with them (though I guess I don't really need to do that part).  My parent's keep saying things like "finish your dinner or you can't go outside to play" and "eat all your chicken or you have to go to bed".  It's more than a little annoying to me, because I simply don't buy into that.  I have tried very hard to let my kids natural instincts with food lead his way, I do not force him to eat but he is offered what I am having, if he chooses not to eat, so be it!  He makes up for it later, and if you average out his days, weeks, months, he is a very healthy little guy.  I am not really sure what to do about my parent's, they mean well but they are so old fashioned in this that it's hard to deal with.  I'm a single mom so its not like there is another person to back me up.  We'll manage, I keep my mouth shut and when he's done eating, he's done and we carry on. 

I have started taking him for walks with the dog, as in he walks with me instead of being pushed in the stroller.  He will still get rides as I plan to restart jogging, and he won't keep up with that, and biking, which he's not big enough for yet.  But we can go for a nice walk around the block all together and enjoy the sites and fresh air and all of it.  I plan to continue that when we get home, and I am sure it will benefit us both. 

I read Primal Blueprint and found it interesting, his ideas about exercise are good, I believe I can integrate some of that into my life, using videos because, well, I like videos.  I have a wide variety and will use them as I like, without following a set schedule, attempting to do 2 toning workouts and 3 "cardio" workouts, plus one more intense workout every week, but if I don't get them all in that's ok too.  Add in the leisurely walks and bike rides in summer, that should be a good start.  The cardio I do is mostly Leslie Sansone, walking, and bits of jogging, it is as intense as you make it.  I do sweat a bit but am not  usually drenched unless I really push myself.  Toning I have much more variety, and a couple on the way, so will enjoy them as well.  I think mixing those up will be the best way to go, and then I can do whichever ones I feel like doing.  Some are 20 minutes, and some are 30, a few are longer but they can be split up. 

Considering I am a biologist by training, and my main interest lies in ecology, the interaction of nature, I find all of the talk of the way things were as hunter gatherers quite interesting.  Once upon a time I wanted to go live in a cave and grow my own food, cut off from society.  I have mostly given up on that dream but still hold onto the dream of a self sufficient life, growing food, using solar and wind power, collecting water in cisterns, having a well.  Living surrounded by nature.  The problem with all of that now of course is I am no longer alone, I have my son to worry about, and am hopeful of having another child some point sooner than later, so it becomes about them more than me.  Maybe when I retire...

In any case.  Reading and learning this weekend, eating too much of what I shouldn't, no scale to tell me how badly I've done.  But back to work and losing as of Tuesday.  I believe I will be able to hit "healthy" with one more round of HCG, and then on into it with primal/paleo/grain free eating.  Life is looking up, and looking good. 

Going Primal, or Paleo, or Something

I'm on a break from HCG.  The patches just do not work for me, so I'll be doing the drops again when I get back from Easter, until then I am going primal, or paleo?  I guess it's primal since I'm including dairy.  I'm dragging my son along with me, though of course he's too young to know it.  He will get lots of fruits and vegetables, and some whole grains in small doses.  And getting wheat out (pasta, bread, etc) will take a bit of effort as he loves both, but we can do this, and our health will be better for it.  I wish I had done it sooner, so that by now it was second nature to both of us, but I can't change the past so will just keep going. 

I didn't quite make it back to my lowest weight, but I'm ok with that.  I know that I can get there if I want to.  When I'm ready to.  Soon.  I will get to a healthy weight.  And I am too impatient to do it with just the better way of eating, so I will do HCG again, and will succeed at it.  I can take some hunger but not what I was experiencing on the patches.  I guess they just don't work for me.  Ah well, I know that the drops do, though they are of course much more of a pain to remember to take and to not eat or drink either side of. 

Right now I have a cheesecake in the oven.  I won't be able to eat it until morning of course, but that's ok, might make a good breakfast, all healthy stuff in it actually.  It should be pretty tasty by morning, I hope!  Costly for sure too.  No carbs of course.  I know that going forward I will need to limit these indulgences, even though they are low carb and made from good ingredients, they are still not getting back to the essence of primal, so while I know they will have a place, I want to get to a place where I don't need them. 

I also ordered a few more workouts, like I need more that I don't do lol, but I will.  I need to.  I am wondering if I can do them with my son around, like when he's awake rather than waiting til he goes to bed or whatever.  He is quite good at playing by himself, but he would likely try and do the workout with me, for the walking ones that isn't an issue, but some of the others would be too much for him. Of course seeing me workout would be good for him, to see that I do this.  Might help him to do it too when he's older.

Back to preload

Weight that is.  Managed to lose everything I gained through my eat fest of loading.  I am still not back to LDW which is 1 lb away, or even my lowest weight which is 2 lbs below that, I cheated terribly mid-round last time and though I dropped low I couldn't maintain it because of the cheating.  I am better prepared this time.  Both in knowing when to stop, and in hopefully not cheating!

I am hungry, but I know that's just because it's the first few days, and I probably didn't eat enough loading as I never got to that stuffed full place because I was sick. Oh well... I am sure I'll manage! 

I talked to a friend I haven't talked to in ages and told her what I'm doing, turns out she tried last year in the fall and had a bad reaction, really low blood pressure and then lots of hair loss. She has tried so many things to lose weight, she went to Mexico to get lap band surgery... which she had to have reversed because it made her so ill.  I can't imagine all she's been through and she hates herself for her weight, going back to her mother putting her in weight watchers at a very young age.  I don't think I am quite that bad, I don't hate myself I just hate the health issues I'm in line to get.  That worries me so I'm doing something about it. 

I have tried lots of diets and the traditional exercise more, eat less calories in/out theory.  None of it worked well enough for me to stick to it.  This I know works, and is fast enough that I can stick to it for the 6 weeks I need to.  I am hoping that I will be able to get to my end goal with this round, but may need to cycle a bit.  We'll see how it goes I guess. 

I think part of my issue now is anger, I am mad at the health care and doctors who promote these ideas of eat whole grains, eat lots of carbs, eat low fat, and knowing the research that was done, which doesn't support that theory, I get angry.  How can we as a population be so deceived?  It doesn't seem right and it makes me question so much about what we are told.  I am worried about my son, he is only 2 and has his whole life ahead of him, I do not want him battling these same issues as he gets older, so how do I prevent it?  I have been so indoctrinated with the low fat, high carb lifestyle that I am finding it hard to let go of that.  He is a little kid, he doesn't really get a say.  I know he loves his pasta, and other starches, how do I change that now? 

I am angry at the conventional advice for weaning babies too, do you think they had purees in paleo times?  No, babies went from mother's milk to food.  I did do some of that in going with baby led weaning, he ate what I did, but it seems to have faltered somewhere along the way, and he now eats the same crap that I do.  I wasn't able to hold my diet to a better standard, partly because of faulty advice from the diet community, and partly because of my own issues.  So now I have this guilt over the way he's starting, and I need to fix it.

This weight loss journey is proving difficult, not because of the weight loss, but because of what I am learning, and how much it means.  I know that in these losing days I need to be setting my habits up to continue to do things like make meals, plan meals, shop smart, and feed my son well.  So it's about more than just eating few calories or taking some magic drops.  This is my life and I am reclaiming it.

Begin again

Today is VLCD 1.  And I'm kind of hungry, trying to eat only when I am hungry and just until the hunger is gone.  Problem of course is that I get hungrier when I stop eating, which is weird, but I think I am normally like that so it's not a big deal.  I hope to wake up a couple pounds lighter, at least the "loading weight" I put on yesterday.  I don't think I loaded as well as I should have, it seems something always happens so I don't do as much as I could.  But hopefully it was enough, or I'll end up not doing very well at all.  My goal this round is 145.  I'd obviously like to get lower but we'll see what happens.

Today I ate more than 500 calories, I added a protein shake to my morning as "breakfast" and that put me at 650 calories today.  I'm not too concerned about that, and will likely have the same thing most mornings especially is I am hungry in the morning.  Better than getting a donut or pastry at work. 

I am eager to get the weight off, and get to maintenance again, and to not have to do any more rounds, though that remains to be seen of course.  I am motivated to do this, and to lose the weight for sure.  I am reading a lot about wheat, gluten, carbs, hunger and low carb diets.  Decoding the science underlying it all, and finding it interesting that the same basic principals mean different things depending on who is writing about them.  That is why I say I'm decoding it.  I am trying to put it all together in a way that makes sense and that I can live with.  I get eating only when hungry, my problem is normally that I am always hungry.  But I also eat too much, even of good things, especially when I am enjoying it. 

Many years ago I saw a nutritionist to help me lose weight, it didn't help but I remember telling her I'd had a bunch of asparagus for supper, like a lot, and her telling me just because it was good, and good for me, doesn't mean I should over eat it.  That's about all I got out of my sessions with her.  I do tend to do that, even with things that are good for me, like asparagus, but also with chips and french fries, pizza.  Oh pizza.  It is remarkable to me that I can overeat on healthy things, but I know it's true. 

I will be reading more over my P2, and trying to figure out what it all means, and means to me.  I am determined to make my life healthy, and my son's life healthy.  If that means giving up bread and pasta, rice and chips, well then so be it.  I am hoping that I will discover we can both have these things on occasion, not necessarily weekly but hopefully biweekly.  I do want to set us up so that he grows up healthy and I maintain without too much effort.  We'll see how it goes but I am determined to make this work. 

Loading, and being sick

I started loading today and it is not as easy as I had thought it would be.  But I'm also sick.  About half way through the day my nose, throat and all the usual cold symptoms showed up, I feel horrible and should probably be in bed.  I will be staying home from work tomorrow and hopefully feeling better before the weekend since of course I have my kiddo to look after and whether he's sick or not he'll have lots of energy. 

I am full at least, and have eaten quite a bit, I have had cake, pizza, bacon, chips, many things.  I feel a bit ill from all of that too, so it's not really a great day lol.  But I am determined to do this and feel like I can get to a good place before my mini vacation.  Obviously I didn't go running today, which is fine, I'll get there again. 

All this food is sure to get my a big number on the scale tomorrow but I will try to remember that it's for a good reason and will come off soon.  Sunday will be my first VLCD so Monday morning I should wake up to a nice loss and be motivated to keep going even at work.  I guess no more big coffee's at work. How sad... However, I will hopefully be able to get some McDonald's dinner and maybe even breakfast this weekend.  It should all be good, and I also hope to have some nachos!  Mmm nachos. 

There are a few things I will miss in P2 but it's temporary, just until around Mother's Day this round, hopefully I'll lose what I want in that time but I am resigned to a round 3.  I don't really believe I can lose even with just a no carb diet, HCG is the only thing I've been able to stick to and see a loss with... so I will keep at that.  And rely on it to get me where I want to be.  It works.

Post 50, Hmm

This is my 50th post on this blog.  I have been feeling like it's time to get going again.  I maintained well in P3, ending at 1lb over my last dose weight, and have been staying there the past few days as well.  I am eager to lose more.  I had originally not wanted to be in P2 or on a PI at Easter because of going to visit my parents.  However, they are doing a low carb diet, so that fits with a PI, and if I happen to have an Easter egg or two... well I think I can handle that.  Looking at my schedule I am going to start loading tomorrow, and go with it.  I believe I'm ovulating which explains why I am hungry, so a good time to load lol.  Plus I may loose another 5 to 10 lbs before Easter, which would be very nice before seeing my parents again too.  So tomorrow I pop on a patch and eat like a pig. Easy peasy.

I do plan to keep exercising, and start the couch to 5k training while in P2, which is probably against the rules, but I feel better doing that.  I may have a protein shake for breakfast in order to keep up the exercise and add in the protein I'll need to do a good job with it. 

I have been reading Why We Get Fat, which is all about carbs and the folly of the low fat, high carb, more out than in diets, and it's interesting.  I know when I get to where I want to get too I will need to limit my carbs, for the rest of my life, however, I think I can live with that, if I eat pizza one day it means the next I have to make up for it.  That is doable to me, and I cannot see giving up entirely everything that I love, but can see having pasta or rice once a week instead of daily, and using bread, potatoes and sugar as treats instead of daily necessities. 

The book goes into detail about how exercise doesn't really do much, but I do think it helps to shape the body we  have, I mean it builds muscle after all and that is something I want to do, so I will keep it up, and use the dvd's I have to keep myself in the shape I want.  I am hopeful that it will also help me increase my energy and be able to keep up with my kid (and hopefully kids in future).  I find the theory interesting, especially having lived P3 to maintain for a few weeks.  I know that I can do it, though it is not easy, and certainly there are things I missed that I did have on occasion, but say that I could recover from it with ease.  Or relative ease any way. 

So tomorrow I put a patch on and Monday morning I should wake up lighter than I have been.  Happy day.  If I can get to healthy this round, by May 9th, I will be thrilled and possibly done.  I can do a round after that of course but getting to healthy and perhaps a bit into it is the goal.  The only real goal, clothes are the bonus that comes with it.  I will do it and I can do it, though I know it won't be easy, I can certainly enjoy it.  And see that it's short term, 6 weeks.  Voila. 

Last day of P3

Today is my last day of P3, and I am at 1 lb above my last drop weight, so not too shabby!  I am hoping to lose 3 or 4 pounds while in P4 but am not going to stress over that, I'll keep doing what I've been doing but will try and decrease my portions a bit and increase my exercise.  The weather promises to be quite nice, if not a little too warm for March, this week, so I should be able to get out for a walk/run everyday.  At least that's the plan. 

I have a coffee cake in the oven and it smells so good!  It's a different one from the last because I didn't have the right ingredients for that one, so this one is a cinnamon one and I'm sure it will be very tasty.  I can't wait for it to be ready to eat mmm. 

My parent's are doing a low carb diet so when I am down there for Easter at the end of my P4 I'll be doing that as well, kind of like in P3.  I will be loading when I get back and back on P2 then.  I am eager to lose more, and am hoping this break has reset my motivation to keep going and stick to the plan properly. I will be prepared, I'll do some cooking before we go down to my parent's so that everything is ready when I start.  I am also looking forward to loading :-)  There are a few things I haven't really had since I started, even though I have cheated, so I look forward to eating chips, and having some chocolate, pizza and burgers.  Fish and chips, nachos!  I have big plans lol.  Hopefully my son goes along with it. 

I plan to get to healthy during my next round, that is 25 lbs or so from where I am now.  Of course I'd love to get a bit into healthy to give me some wiggle room, but I will be happy at healthy.  People who haven't seen me in awhile have commented that I have lost a lot of weight, and when I tell them I want to lose 40 more, they say I'll be skin and bones, things like that.  It's kind of funny.  I don't see myself that way at all, I still see myself as I was 20, even 40 pounds ago.  I know I have lost, my clothes fit differently, and I look better in stuff that I used to wear, somethings are just too big.  But in the mirror, I still see my belly and flabby arms and everything else all wibbly wobbly.  So I know I have a long way to go, I guess I am just good at disguising it all?  Who knows. 

Cake smells almost done so I'm off to try it out.  I'll let it cool a little maybe :-)

Spring! maybe

The weather today is fabulous!  Was fabulous I guess since it's dark out now and the day is pretty much done.  I played hooky from work... and really enjoyed it.  The past month at work has been a bit stressful for me, I've made a few decisions about which position to take, who to work with, and then things really hit the fan yesterday, with blame falling on me for someone else's mistakes.  So I stayed home.  I went out and bought some more almond flour, and some psyllium to make some wraps with.  I also got some new running shoes that I hope work out for me.  And then I took the dog for a nice walk.  He pulled a lot but he was rather excited to get out, and it must have done him some good as he's now sleeping belly up on the couch snoring... Which is what I am tempted to be doing too.  I also read a book! 

My kid was pretty fun this evening too, he's so adorable I can barely stand it lol.  And we ate a horrible dinner of junk food, that we both enjoyed.  Then I did my workout after he went to bed.  And voila! Day is done.  I am glad the weather is finally nice, it looks like it's going to cool off a bit again but then be nice by Sunday.  My dog will be happy to get out, I think my son will as well.  I might have found room in the garage for the stroller, but I don't think I'll be able to get it in and out with the car in there too, but we'll see how it goes.  At least it will be out of the hallway! 

Any way.  Things are going well still, P3 is fabulous lol, though I think with all my cheats I'm a little more P4, but stable nonetheless.  I like that.  It still amazes me that this plan works, and I can't wait to get to it again.  I am determined to be healthy before summer!  Whether I will have to do another round after that is still debatable, but I am up for anything.

Enjoying P3

So far so good. I'm stable!  I've been within a less than 2lb range every morning, even after my horrendous cheat at the bridal shower (I ate bread...) and am enjoying the expanded range of foods.  I am trying to be good and no carb, it's funny that the bread didn't taste good to me, and I've not been missing the usual suspects like pasta, rice and potatoes.  I am hoping this is a good sign.

I've been trying to eat a big breakfast, but not quite up to BAB territory.  I just have a hard time eating that much protein for breakfast when I'm not that hungry.  I am doing pretty well, big breakfast, salad lunch and protein/veggie dinner.  Not much in the way of snacks unless I'm really hungry or, more likely, craving something.  I haven't had chips in moths... which is bizarre because I am a chip-o-holic.  But so far everything is going well. 

I even did a workout last night, 20 minutes and it was easy but felt good to move.  I'll try and keep that up, and may even start doing morning workouts if kiddo would just stay asleep a bit longer.  20 minutes, twice a day, should have me toning up.  I'm not doing it to lose weight really, HCG is good for that thanks, but just to help reshape what I have left.  I did PowerFit workout 1 for shoulders and legs.  It moves along quickly which I like, since it helps me from being bored. 

I was quite bad and ordered a couple new Leslies, longer ones that I can do 1, 2, 3 etc miles from and don't have to do the whole thing.  I love Leslie for being simple to follow, and good for early morning when I don't want to think.  The last time I lost weight I was doing Slim in 6 every morning on an empty stomach and then cardio in the evening, usually Leslie for what started as 1 mile and then was 3 and I was craving more.  Funny how that was.  I might get back there, but not until I've lost the weight I'm sure. 

I also ordered the stroller combo I want, it is so awesome and I can't wait to get it, and put it together :-)  I am sure we'll get a lot of use out of it, though I will also have to get a bike, probably in May or so (for Mother's Day).  I should be lighter by then too so it'll be much easier to bike and run with fewer pounds on me.  Even last night the exercise was easier because I am 20 pounds less than last time I did a workout.  Easier to bend with less belly in the way...

I made Oopsie Rolls yesterday, don't think I cooked them quite long enough but they are tasty, added to the protein in my breakfast this morning.  And some coconut flour brownies, which are a bit, well coconutty.  I am hoping I can find something else to replace that, but we'll see.  The oopsie rolls were actually pretty easy to make, and I was impressed that I did it.  Course I have my new mixer and it really did all the work.  I am looking forward to getting my mixer recipe book, and am tempted to look for a good low carb cook book for baking.  But that will have to wait a few pay cheques I think.  The brownies were also easy to do, but didn't turn out as chocolatey as I might have liked.  I'm sure I can modify them, or maybe use a better cocoa?  Not sure but I'll experiment a bit.  Maybe I'll try almond flour next time... who knows!  I'm taking one to work for the afternoon when cravings hit.  I am taking a couple in to share too.  Actually should take a few as I don't think they'll last long.  Only a pair of oopsie rolls left... they will be eaten tomorrow :-) mmm. 

P3 intermission

I took my patch off Friday so I'm in P3 now, or tomorrow?  Not sure but either way I've been maintaining so far.  I just got to a point I didn't see the point in continuing, I was cheating and feeling sorry for myself too much.  I am happier to be able to eat more, but will do a second round after Easter.  I will also start my workouts tomorrow again.  I'll be using PowerFit, all 3 versions, for 20 minutes 3 or 4 times a week, plus some Leslie walks and real walks weather permitting.  I'll start the couch to 5 k again probably in April or so... depends how I do with the walking etc and when I start P2 again. 

I'm hoping to maintain around 169, but we'll see how it goes.   I was quite bad today, went to a bridal shower and ate way too much yummy bad for me food.  Oh well... I'll do better the rest of the week.  and get some healthy stuff at Costco and Bulk Barn this week.  I got my tax refund and am getting an awesome jogging stroller/bike trailer combo, and bike in May lol.  So I'll be able to take kiddo jogging & biking this summer.  Looking forward to the option.

I'm going to try some coconut flour and almond flour to cook, I got a new mixer that is awesome and I look forward to using it!  I hope to make some oopsie rolls, and a few other things as well. Starting tomorrow, since I don't think I'm going to work.

I'm tired, and the place is a disaster, and there is still a lot to do.  I feel a bit guilty but work is suddenly sorting itself out a bit, so it's a good time to go.  Right now, I'm very tired and thinking I might go to bed early... like really early.  Like in a few minutes.  Yawn.