Trying a new way

I've been stuck, and cheating a lot.  Part of it is hunger, but the hunger should not be unbearable really, and doesn't equate with what I've been eating.  So I know a lot of it is emotional.  I need to really figure out why I am sabotaging myself.  I think part of it is that I don't think I'll really get there, that although I have been losing a lot I won't actually meet my goals, so why bother trying.  And part of it is, what happens if I do get there?  What's next?  Add in the fact that I see in the mirror the same me I saw 20, even 40 pounds ago, and it's hard to imagine what will be. 

I have decided to try 3 meals a day instead of 2.  My hope is partly that because I will have the proper, healthy choices, available at work, I won't eat the crap I have been. It is has stalled my losses, of course, though I have been good about not gaining too much back, .4 lbs so far which really is nothing.  That does give me a big boost that when it comes time to stabilize I shouldn't have too much trouble with that.  My calories for a day should be about 750 instead of 500, I don't think it will slow my losses that much, and should give me the decrease in hunger that will help with the cheating, and having the stuff available should be helpful as well.  I only have two weeks left really, so I can do this for two weeks.  I know I won't lose 15 more pounds that I'd like, but even 7 or 8 would be awesome and I'll take it. 

I have moments when I'm almost excited to add exercise in.  I know it will shape me up nicely, and that will be nice to see.  I don't really want to start that until phase 4, just because I don't want my body to expect to get it to maintain my losses.  In phase 4 I can lose more if I want, or if it happens.  So that is fine too.  I will have to do at least one more round, I have no doubt of that.  I am nowhere near healthy weight yet.  And won't be in 2 weeks.  But I can get closer. 

Part of my stress and overeating is related to work, I have accepted a new job and I'm not sure I should have.  I really like my current manager, I like working for him, and I have learned so much from him.  But there are other factors involved, and I need to move on.  But it's making me a bit sad, and a tad annoyed that he didn't "fight" for me.  I can only hope I'm making the right choice I guess.  But it's causing stress, which is causing chocolate bars to find their way into my hands.  And mouth.  And there you go... I need to deal with that, and face it.  It seems silly I'm sure, I mean either way I have a great job that pays really well, but it's just hard to change I guess.  Change is hard.