Weight that is. Managed to lose everything I gained through my eat fest of loading. I am still not back to LDW which is 1 lb away, or even my lowest weight which is 2 lbs below that, I cheated terribly mid-round last time and though I dropped low I couldn't maintain it because of the cheating. I am better prepared this time. Both in knowing when to stop, and in hopefully not cheating!
I am hungry, but I know that's just because it's the first few days, and I probably didn't eat enough loading as I never got to that stuffed full place because I was sick. Oh well... I am sure I'll manage!
I talked to a friend I haven't talked to in ages and told her what I'm doing, turns out she tried last year in the fall and had a bad reaction, really low blood pressure and then lots of hair loss. She has tried so many things to lose weight, she went to Mexico to get lap band surgery... which she had to have reversed because it made her so ill. I can't imagine all she's been through and she hates herself for her weight, going back to her mother putting her in weight watchers at a very young age. I don't think I am quite that bad, I don't hate myself I just hate the health issues I'm in line to get. That worries me so I'm doing something about it.
I have tried lots of diets and the traditional exercise more, eat less calories in/out theory. None of it worked well enough for me to stick to it. This I know works, and is fast enough that I can stick to it for the 6 weeks I need to. I am hoping that I will be able to get to my end goal with this round, but may need to cycle a bit. We'll see how it goes I guess.
I think part of my issue now is anger, I am mad at the health care and doctors who promote these ideas of eat whole grains, eat lots of carbs, eat low fat, and knowing the research that was done, which doesn't support that theory, I get angry. How can we as a population be so deceived? It doesn't seem right and it makes me question so much about what we are told. I am worried about my son, he is only 2 and has his whole life ahead of him, I do not want him battling these same issues as he gets older, so how do I prevent it? I have been so indoctrinated with the low fat, high carb lifestyle that I am finding it hard to let go of that. He is a little kid, he doesn't really get a say. I know he loves his pasta, and other starches, how do I change that now?
I am angry at the conventional advice for weaning babies too, do you think they had purees in paleo times? No, babies went from mother's milk to food. I did do some of that in going with baby led weaning, he ate what I did, but it seems to have faltered somewhere along the way, and he now eats the same crap that I do. I wasn't able to hold my diet to a better standard, partly because of faulty advice from the diet community, and partly because of my own issues. So now I have this guilt over the way he's starting, and I need to fix it.
This weight loss journey is proving difficult, not because of the weight loss, but because of what I am learning, and how much it means. I know that in these losing days I need to be setting my habits up to continue to do things like make meals, plan meals, shop smart, and feed my son well. So it's about more than just eating few calories or taking some magic drops. This is my life and I am reclaiming it.
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